you can never understand pain , if you don’t have it….. pain is not something which can be bought from the market, which can be inherited, which can be shared, it is personal, it has to be earned and to earn that …. and to earn that you need to want and desire something that badly that you can’t even think of living without it but you are forced to live without it…. for pain, you need to love something very passionately and deeply…..the stronger is the pain the deeper the person you are …. the more the pain the deeper is the convictions , the beliefs….
everybody can’t have the same amount of pain…. it depends how the person is…. how he sees the world , how he persieves the surrounding around him, how his mind works….
right now , I am totally confused about what is exactly happening around me…..I m just confused, totally….. there are lots of factors for my confusion…. I will write about them one by one now…..
first and the most important one is about s****… she is a nice girl…. a totally gorgeous and mind-blowing girl with loads of grace …. and I really admire her for that…. she is a girl who had earned my respect and I really like her…. she is just my type…. she can easily be termed as the lady version of me…. she is like me, in a lot of things…. is she that good???? really I don’t know much about her… whatever I think and believe about her is what I have analyzed in the past 2 months….. yup , we met around 23 Oct. 2011 and now we are good friends ( I believe so, I don’t know what is in her mind )….. while at college we chat every night 3-4 hrs.….. and we share a lot of things with each other…. we have pretty similar likes and dislikes…. and the most important and common thing about us is that we both have very strong opinions about things and we like to learn new things, we like exploring, we have wry humor… and now comes the contradiction, she is an academic superstar and I am just a normal student of the class who is not quite famous as I am pretty lazy to do any extra things and my study also comes in that category only and to be true I am in her fan-club….. she got a great knowledge well and it is full…. the things and the topics on which we talk are generally philosophical and meta-things…. we talk about ourselves, our dreams,our families, our likes, our dislikes….. and after that much of talking one can assume he can analyze the other one correctly…. and I think that she is hidden-time bomb and she is shy but only physically , mentally she is my replica , always working on something, thinking about something and making some escapades from reality…. it can be noticed easily , I found it when I noticed her eye movements and the mischievous smile of hers …. and I really fall for that irrelevance of her only….. I think she likes me and I like her too(it’s pretty obvious), but she has the same problem as me, we both are afraid of relationships and we generally don’t trust people that easily…. we believe in what you would recieve in return is what you would give us first… we generally don’t extend the friendship hand but expect them to be extended towards us… but we also make some exceptions and sometimes we extend our hands to…. in our case, I extended mine to her and she was the one to start talking and texting and calling…. because I was desperate to talk to her and she is too, if I don’t send her she becomes frustrated (as per her roomies)… I just cant think of any day when I didn’t talk to her…. talking to her has become my addiction…. if I don’t do it, I am restless and frustrated……..
as usual, to be continued…..